do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize