Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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