Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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