Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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