Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
