Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
