Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
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his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I need moral support for this bender
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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