Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
