ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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