i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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