i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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