mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
tequila makes me forget i have legs
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
