At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
