If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
