I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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