I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
