Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
