A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
