Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
