there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
