I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
