Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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