is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
