Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
