One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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