i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
