Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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