So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
