whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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