I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
