Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
