Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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