my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
