I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
