So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
