last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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