you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You're a disaster
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