Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
