Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
