He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
