Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
