508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
