it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
