My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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