Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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