I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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