my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
