the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
