Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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