I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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