How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
