Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
