trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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