Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Umm I'm too high to move.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
