do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
