so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
