those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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