I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I am spending my child support on dildos
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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