Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
