i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
