I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
