mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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