Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
