How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
